I received an email at work today from someone today who can only be described as the “Dark Messenger of Absurd Decisions that Ruin Budgets and Hate Puppies”. Or maybe an anonymous HR person. (I guess there are two options)

This sinister email informed me that as of January 2011, all employees will be paid bi-weekly instead of semi-monthly.

Are you kidding me? Change for the sake of change isn’t progress; it’s ridiculous. And here’s the kicker: they claim they are making the change because “people were confused with the semi-monthly system.”

WHAT?! This seemed pretty simple:

“You will receive a paycheck for 1/24th of your annual salary on the 15th and last day of every month,”

and way less confusing than:

“You will receive two or three paychecks every month, with each paycheck being 1/26th of your annual salary. You will receive only two paychecks for 10 months of the year, and you will receive three paychecks in the other two months. You’ll need a calendar, a graphing calculator and an abacus to determine the months in which you will receive said third paycheck, so don’t even bother trying to figure it out.”

I pay a lot of bills every month. Rent, utilities, cell phone, student loan payments and car payments are just a few. And guess what? They are all due monthly, not quadra-weekly (which I’m pretty sure isn’t even a word)!

I try to keep the lowest possible balance in my checking account so I can invest extra money elsewhere. My biggest monthly payments are rent and my credit card (which I pay off every month). I know I’m going to pay a big chunk in rent at the end of the month, and then pay an even bigger chunk to my credit card around the 5th of next month.

Luckily, there’s always a nice helpful paycheck that comes in on the last day of the month to replenish my checking account before the credit card payment is due.

Not anymore sucka!

I don’t mean to come off as being childish. I realize there are many people who have lost their jobs and aren’t getting any paychecks. I completely understand that my issue is truly insignificant compared to what others might be facing.

It’s really not that my life is going to be more difficult because of the change. I’m just angry they changed a perfectly good system to a perfectly horrible one.

So, to my loyal, intelligent, and alarmingly good-looking readers, I ask that you help me find the silver lining. What are the positive benefits of this new schedule that I can’t see through my unhealthy rage?

*Shared at this week’s Carnival of Personal Finance

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