Hi. Thanks for coming to my personal finance blog. Unfortunately you probably shouldn’t be reading what I have to say. You see, I recently posted about how I’m spending $20,000 on my wedding and apparently if you waste $20,000 then you are no longer eligible to have a personal finance blog.

It’s all there in the comments, and since it’s on the internet it has to be true. Check it out:

You are crazy…After reading this post, I have a hard time believing that anyone would actually listen to the financial ‘advice’ you dish out on this blog. Dude, you don’t even have a car! Why would you spend $20,000 on ONE day?!?!?

Hello, my name is Kevin and, apparently, I am trying to lose all credibility with my readers who come to my blog to get ideas for sound financial planning. [this was not actually me]

Dude, you totally lose your license as a financial blogger….

So there you have it. Apparently if you “waste” $20,000 then you lose your personal finance blogger license. While it is a little upsetting that I’ll have to shut this site down due to the revocation of my financial blogger license, I also want to make sure we shut down as many other sites as possible so people aren’t reading unlicensed personal finance blogs.

Here are a few other categories of people who waste $20,000 or more. Make sure to find out if your favorite blogger does any of these things, and if they do stop reading that site immediately before you catch their stupid.

Anyone Who Doesn’t Live With Their Parents

People who move out of their parents’ house call their decision “being independent”, “growing up”, or “getting some privacy”. Let’s just call it what it really is: a big fat waste of money.

Renting or owning a place costs as little as a few hundred bucks a month, and as much as a few thousand or more! Then those people have to buy all new furniture, kitchenware, get renters or homeowners insurance, and who knows how many other costs.

If someone wants to waste their money paying for a house or apartment, just make sure you don’t waste your time reading their website!

Anyone Who Owns A Car

The next time someone posts about non-traditional investments or generating a second income, you should blatantly ignore whatever they said and ask the important question: do you have a car?

People take out loans (gasp!) to buy cars. Then they pay for car insurance, gas, oil changes, tires, and any other expenses associated with owning a damn dirty vehicle. How ridiculous! You can easily waste $20,000 on a car in just a year or two. Those car owners have no right to talk about personal finance, and you have no reason to listen to a word they have to say!

Anyone With Kids

Can you believe people actually have or adopt kids? From the moment they come into your lives you are paying either expensive medical bills or adoption fees, and the costs just go up from there. They need to eat, have a place to sleep, wear clothes, and more. Do the expenses ever end!?!?

mom and daughter

photo credit: Beth Rankin

Not to mention the fact that they will probably expect presents on their birthday and other holidays. They will want supplies for school. They’ll even want to tag along with you when you go on vacation. Some kids even have the audacity to want to go to college and ask their parents for financial help!

Forget wasting $20,000; each one of these little money suckers can cost you well over $100,000! Honestly, these parents who think they have a right to have a personal finance blog are simply ridiculous.

Anyone With a Pet

If there is one good thing about kids, it’s the fact that they might actually support you financially when they become adults. But has anyone ever heard of a dog paying for someone’s retirement home? Of course not!

Dogs and cats eat, poop, get sick, need shots, and will never contribute a penny to your net worth. One estimate suggests that a dog can cost up to $3,000 per year! Do yourself a favor and never read a personal finance blog if someone wastes their money on an animal!

Anyone Who Goes Out to Eat

Question: Why would a person with any financial sense go out to eat? Answer: Because they want to lose their financial blogger license!

Seriously, you can buy 50 pounds of rice for less than $23! Anyone who would dare to pay a restaurant to make and serve them food has absolutely zero financial sense. You should actually try to avoid even driving through restaurant parking lots, because stupid financial decisions might be associated with some airborne pathogen, and you don’t want to risk breathing in the air of those financial imbeciles.

Readers: Can you believe people try to justify spending tens of thousands of dollars on stuff like homes, cars, kids, pets, and restaurants when they could easily avoid all those expenses? Sure they might not get to live the life they want, but think about their 401ks!!!

Sarcasm Note: This entire post was dripping with sarcasm. Unfortunately, I’ve been blogging long enough to know that some people might not catch it. The point is that we all spend money on things we don’t “need” because it makes us happy. That’s what I’m doing with my wedding.