I got the PERFECT suggestion for an article topic last night. I was kind of in a bad mood already because I’m on this stupid diet that doesn’t let me eat all the crappy food I want, and then this gem came through my twitter feed.

whatever wednesday

I don’t have ten, but I do have eight. Buckle your seat belts folks, because this is probably the best post you’ve read on Thousandaire in quite a long time.

8. Extreme Couponers

If I were at the grocery store and had to pick between getting in line behind someone with a contagious flesh eating disease or an extreme couponer with her 3″ binder filled with 82,000 scraps of paper, I’d take my chances with Mr. Necrotizing Fasciitis.

7. Giving Me Your Crappy Stock Tip

I really appreciate you looking out for me and trying to help me make a few bucks in the stock market. What I don’t appreciate is you giving me 32 reasons why I should invest in Myspace because “it’s making a comeback”.

I also don’t appreciate the sad puppy dog face you give me every time I reject your ridiculous stock picks. Just because I don’t like your stock pick doesn’t mean I don’t like you. Well, I probably don’t like you OR your stock pick. So please just stop talking to me.

6. Writing a Check at the Cash Register

Hi. Welcome to the year 2012. Maybe you missed it, but about three decades ago someone came up with a system where you can swipe a debit card and it works just the same as writing a check.

You don’t need to ask how to spell “Wal-Mart”. You don’t need to cross out your old address at the top of your check, write your new one, and try to make a joke like, “One of these days I’m gonna get my address updated on these darn things.”

I have a better idea. Go to your bank and ask for a debit card so the people behind you in line at the store will stop hating you.

annoyed

photo credit: flickr.com/tourist_on_earth/

5. People Who “Save” Money On Crap They Don’t Need

So you got a 46″ flat screen television, even though you already have four flat screen TVs for your one bedroom apartment. Whatever floats your boat.

But please don’t brag to me about how you “saved” $426.84 on this TV because it was an open-box item and you used a coupon. You didn’t save $426.84. You spent $800 on something you don’t need. Where I come from we call that wasting money, not saving it.

4. People Who Watch Their Stocks Too Closely

Yes, I’m very happy that your $100 investment in stock XYZ is up to $101.32. No, I don’t need another phone call, text message, email, instant message, smoke signal, or any other communication when it hits $102.

Unless I have thousands of dollars personally invested in the stock or you are taking me out to dinner with your gains, I don’t give a flying flip about the daily fluctuations of your stock. Sorry.

3. Spending 3 Minutes Looking for Exact Change in Their Purse

I understand your desire to avoid pennies. I really do. I hate pennies. That’s why I put everything on a freaking card!

I don’t care if you want to pay with cash. I don’t even care if you want to pay with exact change. But don’t waste 3 minutes of my time digging in your purse because “you know you have 13 cents in there somewhere”. Give the man 25 freaking dollars for your $24.13 bill and let us all move on with our lives.

2. Believing Your Way is the Only Way

Here is a list of people who talk in financial absolutes that absolutely piss me off:

  • Suze Orman (Anyone who doesn’t think her prepaid card is the best thing in the world is an idiot)
  • Dave Ramsey (Somehow credit cards are the devil, despite the fact I get hundreds of dollars in rewards from them every year and pay no fees)
  • Anti Debt People (Sorry, but my 0% APR loan is not crushing my soul)
  • Minimalists (Yes, I do have four pairs of jeans. And I don’t give a crap if you can’t understand why I would want so much clothing)

I respect your right to have an outrageously rigid financial life view that you try to push on everyone else despite the fact that it is only applicable to a very small group of people. Now I only ask that you respect my right to ignore everything you say.

1. Talking About Your Expensive Purchases When You Owe Me Money

If you borrow money from a friend, you should pay them back. Preferably before you spend money on an expensive vacation or an unnecessarily large television. And if you’re gonna blow your money, keep it to yourself. Seriously. For the love of all that is holy DON’T BRAG ABOUT WASTING YOUR MONEY ON CRAP WHEN YOU OWE ME MONEY!

That is all.

I hope you enjoyed that. I know I did. Please add the financial behaviors that piss you off most in the comments below.