This post goes out to all the ladies.
Guys are welcome to read it too, but this stuff is ingrained in our DNA, so I’m not telling you anything new. This all goes back to the caveman days when we had to survive on as little resources as possible. Almost all men have the following five rules hard wired into our systems for the sole purpose of saving time, money, and the world around us.
Ladies, you could learn a thing or two here, so listen up!
1. Walk Around Naked
I want all women to know that men, as a gender, care deeply about saving money and the environment. So when it’s hot, we do what any reasonable person would do and just get naked. Pumping up the AC not only increases the electric bill, but also uses more dirty electricity (unless you buy renewable energy). When we are giving the boys a little breathing room, we aren’t being rude; we’re being conscientious.
2. Blow Your Nose in the Shower
A box of Kleenex is expensive. The shower is a great place for snot rockets, or even just blowing your nose into your hand and rinsing it off in the water. Just make sure the first thing you do when you get in the shower is blow your nose. Then who cares if your hand gets “dirty”? You’re going to clean your whole body in a few seconds anyway!
3. Only Wash Smelly Clothes
How can you tell if something is dirty? Most of the clothes I wash don’t have a visible speck of dirt on them. The only time they make it to the washing machine is when they smell. When you get undressed, get a whiff of your clothes. If you don’t smell anything, hang ’em up. If they have a noticeable stench, throw them on the floor where your dirty clothes gather, and do a load of laundry just before the clothes start making the entire room smell. Less laundry means less electricity, less detergent and less time wasted cleaning things that aren’t dirty.
4. Wash All Your Clothes in Cold Water
Speaking of laundry, can we all agree that washing clothes is confusing? Apparently different combinations of color, fabric, and dirtiness all require different temperatures of water if you’re a woman. Did you also know that over 90% of energy used in doing laundry comes from heating the water? Just wash all your clothes on “cold” and save on your electricity bill. Cold water gets the smell out just as well as hot water, and we’ve already determined that a lack of odor = cleanliness.
5. One Rag is Enough
I had this conversation with my aunt a few weeks ago. When a man cleans a bathroom, he uses one rag. That one rag cleans the sink, tub, floor, and toilet (in that order). There’s no need to get four rags dirty. Just clean something, soap up the rag, and move on to the next something. Speaking of rags, old tshirts work just fine for those; there’s no sense in actually purchasing rags.
Men are Budget Hawking Environment Lovers
I’m so pleased that I could clear that up for all the women out there. You probably thought men were just filthy, disgusting creatures, but in reality we are just highly effective at saving money and the environment at the same time. So to all the ladies out there that have been ragging on their men about how their cleanliness and hygiene are unacceptable, I think you owe him a big apology.
To everyone out there, feel free to add more “money and environment” saving tips in the comments below.